I decided to post this here so I can share my experience in full... I am in need of advice, preferably from people with expertise in this arena.... Like Moms.... :) Dad's feel free to chime in if you are into this kind of thing! ;)
I am due to deliver my baby #3 on December 22nd, just 3 days before Christmas! I am struggling to decide HOW I want to deliver as I apparently have a choice between a scheduled C-section, or trying to deliver naturally! This would be my third attempt to deliver naturally, and if I fail it will be my 3rd UNPLANNED cesarean birth!
The scoop: I will break down my previous deliveries for you so you know why I am so conflicted! But FIRST I will tell you WHY I want my natural birth!
WHY: I am kind of a naturalist, I guess you would call it that, and generally stay away from medication when I can! I have always found pregnancy and delivery to be quite fascinating! I even took a lamas class with my Mom when I was 12 because I was so interested! I have taken 2 child development classes, one of which was a college level! I am truly inspired by the beauty of the process of pregnancy, and the beauty of birth! I know its not a pretty thing, but I am like a kid with a stick and pregnancy is a strange bug that I just cant help but love to analyze (and play with!) :) When I was pregnant with Jude I bragged that I was going to go ALL NATURAL with my delivery, with NO DRUGS! I even got set up with a midwife clinic to help with the support! I was convinced if I could deliver naturally I would be able to say, "I am WOMAN! Hear me ROAR!!!!!!!" After all, women have been delivering babies for centuries and modern medicine, though wonderful, is new! I wanted to know that I was strong enough! I wanted to prove to myself that I am the BOMB!.......
I am due to deliver my baby #3 on December 22nd, just 3 days before Christmas! I am struggling to decide HOW I want to deliver as I apparently have a choice between a scheduled C-section, or trying to deliver naturally! This would be my third attempt to deliver naturally, and if I fail it will be my 3rd UNPLANNED cesarean birth!
The scoop: I will break down my previous deliveries for you so you know why I am so conflicted! But FIRST I will tell you WHY I want my natural birth!
WHY: I am kind of a naturalist, I guess you would call it that, and generally stay away from medication when I can! I have always found pregnancy and delivery to be quite fascinating! I even took a lamas class with my Mom when I was 12 because I was so interested! I have taken 2 child development classes, one of which was a college level! I am truly inspired by the beauty of the process of pregnancy, and the beauty of birth! I know its not a pretty thing, but I am like a kid with a stick and pregnancy is a strange bug that I just cant help but love to analyze (and play with!) :) When I was pregnant with Jude I bragged that I was going to go ALL NATURAL with my delivery, with NO DRUGS! I even got set up with a midwife clinic to help with the support! I was convinced if I could deliver naturally I would be able to say, "I am WOMAN! Hear me ROAR!!!!!!!" After all, women have been delivering babies for centuries and modern medicine, though wonderful, is new! I wanted to know that I was strong enough! I wanted to prove to myself that I am the BOMB!.......
I learned that I can be the BOMB without my natural delivery, and it can be a good experience even if it does not work out as planned, but I still have that nagging desire to give birth the natural, good ol' fashion way!
Delivery #1: With a healthy pregnancy in tow all seemed well before the labor! I was 70-80 percent effaced, and at -2 position in the pelvis, and 3cm before I went into labor! I lost my mucus plug I think a day before my due date! The morning after my due I woke up about 8:30 and decided to take a bath! No contractions. As I was getting up off the couch to go to the tub I felt my water break! I called the midwife and confirmed that that was what it was and got in the bathtub anyways THINKING that this process is supposed to take time and so I would relax and wait for it to begin! Within 10 minutes of my water breaking I began to feel contractions! They started out like menstrual cramps, not too bad! But withing 15 minutes they were getting MORE painful and were timing at 1-2 minutes apart! I called the midwife and before I could even finish the call I was in PAIN!!!!!!! By 20 minutes I was getting out of the tub, hardly able to walk, BARELY able to get clothes on, and unable to talk during contractions! We got to the car within 40 minutes of my water breaking, and were to the hospital by 1 1/2 hour! I was in PAIN before the car started! I could hardly breath! I had not expected it all to start so quickly, or to HURT SO BAD! SO! QUICKLY!!! I told Cameron he needed to make sure I got that epidural as SOON as we got to the hospital! I was SO not ready for this! The midwives said they would have someone come, but that there was no one available for several hours so I was on my own (until the very end, and the woman that showed up was the ONE midwife I didn't want to see! She was a *not nice person*!) We quickly checked in, but the anesthesiologist was making the rounds and there were about 10 other women in front of me to get the epidural! It was a busy day! I found that I didn't want to be touched or talked to, I wanted the lights down and the sound low! I waited and kept telling myself all this while that the pain would be less if I could just relax! I focused on relaxing entirely! I kept telling myself that if I could just focus on NOTHING the pain would feel less! I waited an HOUR before the epidural got to me! And crazy enough... I was actually doing GOOD! The contractions were still coming every 2 minutes apart and were very hard, but I was unaware of them, or ANYTHING as I had gone into a kind of out of mind/body state! I was vaguely aware that the contractions were happening, but totally in the ZONE! They told me that I was handling them well! But then the Epidural came and they asked me if I still wanted it! I was SO OUT OF IT, and so IN THE ZONE that they could have asked me if I wanted a polka dotted gown and a red nose! I said yes, I wanted it........... A blessing and a curse! (In hind sight I always wonder, if the midwife had been there, or if I had had more support, would I have made the same decision....) They gave it to me and I immediately felt relief!! It was WONDERFUL, and I was talking and laughing within minutes and went to sleep within 10! At that point 3 cm still. I slept off and on for about 4 HOURS and then was told that I was 10 cm!!! YAY! That was fast right?!? Well we started to push and that's when things got tricky! Jude's heart rate started to go up, along with my temperature! He seemed to be stuck somehow! We waited for my temp and his HR to go down and pushed some more! I cried when I realized I might have to have a c-section! I begged them to do all they could before we made that decision! We had to wait for the doctor! We pushed off and on for 5 hours total! ~ It was a nightmare! In the end they told me that his head was either turned just slightly that he could not pass, or that my hips did not open wide enough! NEVER ONCE did I get the option to roll to my side, or to change positions! This was probably because of the epidural, but I am CERTAIN the nurses could have rolled me or something!..... They told me it was either forecepts or a c-section! I somehow at that point knew that the c-section was what I preferred and felt it would be safer than the forecepts (I had heard way too many horror stories!) and we began the prep for surgery! The anesthesiologist did the routine checking with a pin to make sure my epidural was good enough that they could cut me open without me feeling anything, but then when they were prepping the area I giggled and said that it tickled when they were painting on the iodine (or whatever it was) and the doc panicked and just pumped the button to give me more medicine! They proceeded and I was not in pain per say, but I was very uncomfortable and could feel them pulling and tugging in a borderline obnoxious fashion! Jude was born healthy, but with a strange breathing pattern so they sent him up to NICU to be put on a breathing machine while I recovered! (We still dont know if that was really necessary!) It took them 45 minutes to 1 HOUR to sew me back up (and it was an UGLY seam!) My arms and shoulders were in agony by the time they unstrapped me from the table! I got the shakes REALLY bad, and felt awful for 1-2 hours AFTER the surgery! Jude was born at about 9 pm. I was cleaned up and taken to my room afterwards, and laid waiting for someone to come and bring me my baby! I realized later that he was not coming! About 2 am they came and since I was awake, obviously not tired, they asked if I would like to go see my baby! Uh. YEAH! So I didn't get to hold Jude for 5 hours after he was born! When I did it was for 5 minutes before I had to go back to bed from pure exhaustion! The next couple days were pure recovery! Needing constant pain medication and very slowly retraining my muscles to move correctly! They were completely useless after the surgery! It was a week before I could walk without the fear of falling, and I was on constant medication!
At the TIME I was ok with how it went! I felt like it all worked out as well as it could have, and I was satisfied with the birth. Sadly though, as I had not been able to try to nurse him until he was about 22 hours old (they had needed to wean him off the respiratory machine before he could nurse) I had a very hard time with nursing Jude! They said the latch was great, but I felt that something was definitely wrong! I think all babies are different and Jude may have just been too anxious to eat, but he would eat constantly and never seemed to get enough! He fell asleep waiting for the milk to come as if it was not fast enough! The INSTANT I gave him a bottle my nursing days were done! I fear that the time between birth and our first attempt might have made the difference between success and fail!
BUT Hind sight is always 20/20! Not much I could have done to change it then anyways! We just did what we could!
Delivery #1: With a healthy pregnancy in tow all seemed well before the labor! I was 70-80 percent effaced, and at -2 position in the pelvis, and 3cm before I went into labor! I lost my mucus plug I think a day before my due date! The morning after my due I woke up about 8:30 and decided to take a bath! No contractions. As I was getting up off the couch to go to the tub I felt my water break! I called the midwife and confirmed that that was what it was and got in the bathtub anyways THINKING that this process is supposed to take time and so I would relax and wait for it to begin! Within 10 minutes of my water breaking I began to feel contractions! They started out like menstrual cramps, not too bad! But withing 15 minutes they were getting MORE painful and were timing at 1-2 minutes apart! I called the midwife and before I could even finish the call I was in PAIN!!!!!!! By 20 minutes I was getting out of the tub, hardly able to walk, BARELY able to get clothes on, and unable to talk during contractions! We got to the car within 40 minutes of my water breaking, and were to the hospital by 1 1/2 hour! I was in PAIN before the car started! I could hardly breath! I had not expected it all to start so quickly, or to HURT SO BAD! SO! QUICKLY!!! I told Cameron he needed to make sure I got that epidural as SOON as we got to the hospital! I was SO not ready for this! The midwives said they would have someone come, but that there was no one available for several hours so I was on my own (until the very end, and the woman that showed up was the ONE midwife I didn't want to see! She was a *not nice person*!) We quickly checked in, but the anesthesiologist was making the rounds and there were about 10 other women in front of me to get the epidural! It was a busy day! I found that I didn't want to be touched or talked to, I wanted the lights down and the sound low! I waited and kept telling myself all this while that the pain would be less if I could just relax! I focused on relaxing entirely! I kept telling myself that if I could just focus on NOTHING the pain would feel less! I waited an HOUR before the epidural got to me! And crazy enough... I was actually doing GOOD! The contractions were still coming every 2 minutes apart and were very hard, but I was unaware of them, or ANYTHING as I had gone into a kind of out of mind/body state! I was vaguely aware that the contractions were happening, but totally in the ZONE! They told me that I was handling them well! But then the Epidural came and they asked me if I still wanted it! I was SO OUT OF IT, and so IN THE ZONE that they could have asked me if I wanted a polka dotted gown and a red nose! I said yes, I wanted it........... A blessing and a curse! (In hind sight I always wonder, if the midwife had been there, or if I had had more support, would I have made the same decision....) They gave it to me and I immediately felt relief!! It was WONDERFUL, and I was talking and laughing within minutes and went to sleep within 10! At that point 3 cm still. I slept off and on for about 4 HOURS and then was told that I was 10 cm!!! YAY! That was fast right?!? Well we started to push and that's when things got tricky! Jude's heart rate started to go up, along with my temperature! He seemed to be stuck somehow! We waited for my temp and his HR to go down and pushed some more! I cried when I realized I might have to have a c-section! I begged them to do all they could before we made that decision! We had to wait for the doctor! We pushed off and on for 5 hours total! ~ It was a nightmare! In the end they told me that his head was either turned just slightly that he could not pass, or that my hips did not open wide enough! NEVER ONCE did I get the option to roll to my side, or to change positions! This was probably because of the epidural, but I am CERTAIN the nurses could have rolled me or something!..... They told me it was either forecepts or a c-section! I somehow at that point knew that the c-section was what I preferred and felt it would be safer than the forecepts (I had heard way too many horror stories!) and we began the prep for surgery! The anesthesiologist did the routine checking with a pin to make sure my epidural was good enough that they could cut me open without me feeling anything, but then when they were prepping the area I giggled and said that it tickled when they were painting on the iodine (or whatever it was) and the doc panicked and just pumped the button to give me more medicine! They proceeded and I was not in pain per say, but I was very uncomfortable and could feel them pulling and tugging in a borderline obnoxious fashion! Jude was born healthy, but with a strange breathing pattern so they sent him up to NICU to be put on a breathing machine while I recovered! (We still dont know if that was really necessary!) It took them 45 minutes to 1 HOUR to sew me back up (and it was an UGLY seam!) My arms and shoulders were in agony by the time they unstrapped me from the table! I got the shakes REALLY bad, and felt awful for 1-2 hours AFTER the surgery! Jude was born at about 9 pm. I was cleaned up and taken to my room afterwards, and laid waiting for someone to come and bring me my baby! I realized later that he was not coming! About 2 am they came and since I was awake, obviously not tired, they asked if I would like to go see my baby! Uh. YEAH! So I didn't get to hold Jude for 5 hours after he was born! When I did it was for 5 minutes before I had to go back to bed from pure exhaustion! The next couple days were pure recovery! Needing constant pain medication and very slowly retraining my muscles to move correctly! They were completely useless after the surgery! It was a week before I could walk without the fear of falling, and I was on constant medication!
At the TIME I was ok with how it went! I felt like it all worked out as well as it could have, and I was satisfied with the birth. Sadly though, as I had not been able to try to nurse him until he was about 22 hours old (they had needed to wean him off the respiratory machine before he could nurse) I had a very hard time with nursing Jude! They said the latch was great, but I felt that something was definitely wrong! I think all babies are different and Jude may have just been too anxious to eat, but he would eat constantly and never seemed to get enough! He fell asleep waiting for the milk to come as if it was not fast enough! The INSTANT I gave him a bottle my nursing days were done! I fear that the time between birth and our first attempt might have made the difference between success and fail!
BUT Hind sight is always 20/20! Not much I could have done to change it then anyways! We just did what we could!
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Second baby! Cooper was born March 23rd, the morning after his due date! I was told I had gestational diabetes with the pregnancy, and that the baby would likely be very large! Since we did not know why Jude had gotten stuck, hips or size of his head, we decided to induce on my due date and hope for the best! I was given the gel at 10am on his due date. We walked around Kik (store) and went home and relaxed, and then were back at the hospital with real, regular contractions at about 4pm! They were close (cant remember the time) and they were painful, but I was pretty proud of myself! Cameron was great and distracted me when he could, and I thought for sure I was doing great! Then the night shift Midwife came on. Now I had expected that a midwife would be constructive, or at least supportive of natural birth, but this woman, German even (generally very natural, and don't push drugs) was VERY pushy with the drugs! She asked me about 1 time ever 45 minutes to 1 hour if I would like some pain medication! NO. I DO NOT. WANT. PAIN. MEDICATION. I told her each time, NO. I got in and out of the birthing tub! I was doing GREAT, but as time passed I was getting anxious. At about 10pm they told me that I was still just 1, maybe 2 cm! ... That is 6 hours, hard, regular contractions and not even a little progress. The nurse asked if I wanted drugs. I said yes. So I was given a suppository (large anal Tylenol) and waited some more. It did nothing. One hour later she asked if I would like the shot since the Tylenol wasn't working. I took it. It did nothing. By midnight I was exhausted, couldn't sleep! I finally told her to just get the anesthesiologist. I wanted the epidural. He came.... and he BOTCHED IT! It was NOTHING like my first epidural! He put it in to the side and it was SO PAINFUL, it hurt worse the the contractions! So he tried again and STILL WRONG! I began to feel the effects after about 10 minutes but only on my right side! The nurse told me to lay on my left side and let it seep down to my left! After about 1 hour I was getting upset. I was still feeling the full contractions on my left side and the right side was coming back after only 1 hour! They do individual shots instead of the drip, or the button (which is what I had with Jude). She at first didn't believe me and said it was normal to feel some still, but she had no idea! I was so proud of myself for being able to relax through the contractions despite the extreme frustration I was feeling! I asked for the anesthesiologist to come back and fix my epidural and he came about 45 minutes later! So about 2am I got my second epidural shot.... EQUALLY UNSUCCESSFUL!!! I was so done. So upset that I had given in and gotten the epidural just for it to be such a nuisance! At about 3-4 am I told the nurse I had to go to the bathroom and asked for help to get there. She hadn't believed me at ALL when I had told her that the contractions were still there and in full force. She spoke English. And I speak enough German... I know she understood. She didn't believe me. She offered me another catheter but I was NOT doing that again! She told me with the first one (just after getting my epidural) that it would not hurt at all, maybe pinch! IT HURT!!!! It was just as bad as the stupid epidural and as painful or worse than the contractions! So I told her I would really rather use the toilet! She asked if I could feel my legs, let alone move them! I sat up and moved them around, ready to go! Her eyes were wide, like, "O. I guess the epidural really didn't work!" Because I should not have been able to FEEL my legs, let alone move them and here I was able to WALK! ............ GRrrrr..... I was so done with that woman. The doctor came about 5 am and checked me and I was barely 2cm. He told me we could only wait a few more hours before we would have to do a C-section! I told him I didn't want to wait. I was obviously not progressing and I was done. Just done. So we geared up and moved to surgery! From this point things got better, but really, it was still a c-section. The spinal tap worked better then even my first epidural (with Jude)! I couldn't feel ANYTHING from my chest down! They poked me about 10 times to administer the spinal tap, but I realized later that they were probably giving me a little extra in case it didn't have any effect, what with my epidural experience... Funny enough I even asked them when they were doing it, "Are you training someone on me?! How many pokes does this take?" I made the doctor laugh. :) So the pain was gone. It was nice! I seriously felt nothing during the cut, and was awake and alert enough to see and appreciate the beauty of my new baby! They took him to get cleaned up and measured while they closed me up! This time it only took 20 MINUTES to close me up, and they used stitches on the uterus and staples on the outside (instead of stitches like the first time) so the seem was smooth! They had cut off the old scar and just did a whole new seem in its place! I could feel where the knots were from the outside, and found out shortly later that one of the knots was directly on a nerve, and THAT took 2-3 weeks to feel better! I had to wait for the thread to disintegrate before the pressure would be relieved! I could hardly sleep because of it! That also meant MORE pain medication! ... But that was later! After the surgery was finished I was quickly reunited with my baby and Cameron! Cooper went straight to the breast, so within 30 minutes he was on! And he was a natural! He nursed so well! It was such a huge blessing! The doctor told me I should start to feel my legs again in 3-4 hours! 6-7 hours later I BEGAN to feel my legs again! I am pretty confident they gave me extra medication! Not complaining, but it has led me to wonder if I have an intolerance to pain medication! After that things were pretty normal! Cooper nursed great! I recovered faster than I had with my first cesarean and was ready to go home within 5 days, partially because I was just in a hurry! I know they would have preferred I stay a few days longer to make sure we were okay, but I felt confident I could recover just as well at home! (And Cameron had had Jude by himself for a few days and was well... in need of assistance! haha)
I recovered much quicker with my second cesarean, but I am not sure if that was because I knew what to expect, or out of necessity I might have pushed myself a little more than I did the first time! It might have been the difference in stitching that made the seam heal faster!
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So..... There you have it! My previous birth experiences!
All I know is this...... My first labor was much better than my second
labor! My second cesarean was much better than my first cesarean!
Neither ended the way I would have liked. My body has suffered much
because of these surgeries.The trauma to my stomach muscles has left them much weaker than they ever have been and when I tried to strengthen them they felt unstable and extremely weak! I know they are not gone as I still am able to lift my 40 lb 3 1/2 year old with relative ease, and my 18 month old is so light I can carry him much more than I ever did Jude! I can feel that they are stronger now after 2 cesareans than they were a year after my first cesarean!
I want to try to deliver this 3rd baby naturally so that I can recover naturally, without the assistance of mass pain medication! I want to be able to walk after I deliver! I want to be able to hold my baby and do skin to skin IMMEDIATELY AFTER BIRTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot TELL YOU how badly I want to catch my own baby in a bath, or FEEL THE BABY BORN TO LIFE!!!!!!!! I want to FEEL IT! I know it will hurt! But with my cesarean births I didn't FEEL IT! I didn't know the baby was born until someone told me! I couldn't SEE The baby until it was brought around the curtain! I couldn't watch as they cut the cord, or cleaned it! I couldn't touch my baby! My baby left me just as fast as it came to me! I don't want to have to WAIT ONE MINUTE to see my baby!! I want to hold my baby to me and comfort her first cries with my own tears of joy!!!!!!!!!!! I can see it now! How it would be!
But I am afraid. I know what I WANT to do, but I do not know if I can handle the pain of trying again for my natural birth... and failing. I know I could handle it in the long run, or even in the immediate moment! But I know I would never try again. I feel like this is it! I live in Germany where my doctor is supportive of me trying for a VBAC even after 2 cesarean births, and in the states that is becoming more rare all the time! After 3 cesarean births I am sure I would not be allowed to try again in the states, and at the same time, I am not sure I would feel safe doing that! I don't know how dangerous it would be, but it would be scary enough, and with 3 UNPLANNED CESAREANS under my belt, I would hate to go through all the trouble of trying a 4th time just to end in the same way!
My baby is due right before Christmas. If I WANTED to I could easily schedule a cesarean birth for the 15th and be home by the holiday! It would mean my baby doesn't grow up sharing a birthday with a holiday! It might be easier! Heck, if I could avoid a long, unsuccessful labor it WOULD be easier in some ways! BUT... It would not be my natural birth. My body would have to take the long road to healing, as it has before... I feel like fear cannot be my deciding factor, yet I feel like my fears are very valid and based on genuine possibilities!
This time I have plan to make things different. This time I know it will be more painful than I will want to handle. If I can stay home long enough to get control of myself I think I will feel much more in control when I get to the hospital! THIS TIME I have a friend that has promised that rain or shine, or HOLIDAY she will be there for me when I go to the hospital to encourage me in whatever way she can, similar to a Douala, and to WARD OFF ANY TALK OF MEDICATION... because I have a past of giving in if I am tempted! She will be my backbone when I don't have one, that way Cameron can be there for me for comfort and not feel at odds on what to do if someone offers drugs! This time I would MOVE AROUND and NOT be chained down by ANY DRUG! I feel like my nightmare with the epidural last time was more than enough to keep me away from that! But I really don't want ANY interventions unless they are NEEDED, beyond any reasonable doubt!
I want to try to deliver this 3rd baby naturally so that I can recover naturally, without the assistance of mass pain medication! I want to be able to walk after I deliver! I want to be able to hold my baby and do skin to skin IMMEDIATELY AFTER BIRTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot TELL YOU how badly I want to catch my own baby in a bath, or FEEL THE BABY BORN TO LIFE!!!!!!!! I want to FEEL IT! I know it will hurt! But with my cesarean births I didn't FEEL IT! I didn't know the baby was born until someone told me! I couldn't SEE The baby until it was brought around the curtain! I couldn't watch as they cut the cord, or cleaned it! I couldn't touch my baby! My baby left me just as fast as it came to me! I don't want to have to WAIT ONE MINUTE to see my baby!! I want to hold my baby to me and comfort her first cries with my own tears of joy!!!!!!!!!!! I can see it now! How it would be!
But I am afraid. I know what I WANT to do, but I do not know if I can handle the pain of trying again for my natural birth... and failing. I know I could handle it in the long run, or even in the immediate moment! But I know I would never try again. I feel like this is it! I live in Germany where my doctor is supportive of me trying for a VBAC even after 2 cesarean births, and in the states that is becoming more rare all the time! After 3 cesarean births I am sure I would not be allowed to try again in the states, and at the same time, I am not sure I would feel safe doing that! I don't know how dangerous it would be, but it would be scary enough, and with 3 UNPLANNED CESAREANS under my belt, I would hate to go through all the trouble of trying a 4th time just to end in the same way!
My baby is due right before Christmas. If I WANTED to I could easily schedule a cesarean birth for the 15th and be home by the holiday! It would mean my baby doesn't grow up sharing a birthday with a holiday! It might be easier! Heck, if I could avoid a long, unsuccessful labor it WOULD be easier in some ways! BUT... It would not be my natural birth. My body would have to take the long road to healing, as it has before... I feel like fear cannot be my deciding factor, yet I feel like my fears are very valid and based on genuine possibilities!
This time I have plan to make things different. This time I know it will be more painful than I will want to handle. If I can stay home long enough to get control of myself I think I will feel much more in control when I get to the hospital! THIS TIME I have a friend that has promised that rain or shine, or HOLIDAY she will be there for me when I go to the hospital to encourage me in whatever way she can, similar to a Douala, and to WARD OFF ANY TALK OF MEDICATION... because I have a past of giving in if I am tempted! She will be my backbone when I don't have one, that way Cameron can be there for me for comfort and not feel at odds on what to do if someone offers drugs! This time I would MOVE AROUND and NOT be chained down by ANY DRUG! I feel like my nightmare with the epidural last time was more than enough to keep me away from that! But I really don't want ANY interventions unless they are NEEDED, beyond any reasonable doubt!
This time I know I have gestational diabetes. I don't care if they say she is big. I want to wait until my body is ready to go! Until SHE is ready to come! .... But there in lies my fear again! What if she IS TOO BIG?! And what if SHE GETS STUCK just like Jude did! What if my hips really WONT OPEN WIDE ENOUGH!?! .......... At least I tried again??
Ok... Now you have the full of it! Sorry it is such a long post, but really, you need the facts! I feel like there is so much going into this decision! Not one way is easier than the other, but the one that I WANT might end in the same way as the other! .............
Ok. Go ahead........ Lay it out! WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD DO?!?!?!
(I know what I SHOULD do, but TELL ME WHY!!!!!).........................
If I can succeed I can finally say, "I am NOT BROKEN!" -- " I AM WOMAN! HEAR ME ROAR!!!"
If I failed......................... :(
Each form of delivery ends in a success if I have a healthy baby right?!?!
Ok... Now you have the full of it! Sorry it is such a long post, but really, you need the facts! I feel like there is so much going into this decision! Not one way is easier than the other, but the one that I WANT might end in the same way as the other! .............
Ok. Go ahead........ Lay it out! WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD DO?!?!?!
(I know what I SHOULD do, but TELL ME WHY!!!!!).........................
If I can succeed I can finally say, "I am NOT BROKEN!" -- " I AM WOMAN! HEAR ME ROAR!!!"
If I failed......................... :(
Each form of delivery ends in a success if I have a healthy baby right?!?!
Of course!
Please, lend me your words!!
xoxo,
Jess
